


a hundred bad days make a hundred good stories (make me interesting at parties)

by jinsaturns



Series: for you are too bright and i too dim (to love, to dream) [1]
Category: NCT (Band)
Genre: ADHD, Boys In Love, Character Study, Depression, Fluff, Gen, Light Angst, M/M, Oh wait, Romantic Friendship, The Author Apologizes, This is trash, Unresolved Romantic Tension, idk what else to tag?, theres a little, unbeta’d we die like fighters, unrequited feelings, weight loss
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-04-14
Updated: 2019-04-14
Packaged: 2020-01-12 23:33:29
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,246
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18456899
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/jinsaturns/pseuds/jinsaturns
Summary: Mark Lee is depressed. And a little in love with his best friend. They, like actual teens, refuse to talk about it.





	a hundred bad days make a hundred good stories (make me interesting at parties)

**Author's Note:**

> title is from 100 days by AJR. this is mostly inspired by my own experience as a psych kid. i remember crying with my best friend when i couldn’t afford meds with lesser side effects. uh. this was unbeta’d and written in like? two hours while i was procrastinating one of my big works that i’m doing. so. i apologize in advance. i am also really Really bad at prose in general so. again, sorry,,,,,

Mark Lee was sad. Well, technically he was depressed. Clinically, if you deigned to take his psychiatrists word for it. (Mark did. He trusts Jaehyun a little too much for his own good. He knows the man would never lie to him.)

It’s not like it was a big deal, he lived with it most of his life. There were a few facts he knew, could count on down to his bones. 

1\. The sky was more often than not blue.

2\. His cousin Taeyong was a little  _ too  _ invested in the local zoo’s penguins. (In Mark’s humble opinion it had to do more with the zookeeper, Taeil.)

3\. He was sad.

So every day he would take his little orange pill, dry swallow it while the bitter powdery taste sat on his tongue, then go to his room and do school. It was part of Mark’s life, just like brushing his teeth. 

He wasn’t bone crushingly sad, it wasn’t like he was going to extreme lengths. His meds prevented him from getting that bad. He was disinterested in just about everything, was going through the motions of his life.  But it wasn’t unbearable.

Every week he goes to visit Jaehyun, has check ups to make sure his medicine wasn’t causing him to lose any weight. He was stable, and that’s the best he figures he’s going to ever get.

“Hey dorkus.”

Mark looks up from where he was picking around his nails at the voice. Donghyuck was standing with his hands on his hips, small smile playing at his lips.

Mark smiles back. “Hey Hyuck. Three month check in?” he queries.

“Nah just wanted to see your dumb face. Actually, three month was last week. Doyoung played with my meds a bit so he wanted to see me this week too.” Mark frowns a little at that. Donghyuck has been on his ADHD meds for a while, and the cocktail was working from what he heard. Why had his doctor messed with it?

He must voice this aloud, because Donghyuck laughs. “My meds were addictive Mark. We usually change them after a while, but he put it off as long as he could. No biggie.” Donghyuck says it as simply as he would be stating that the grass is green. Mark knows it  _ is _ a biggie to Donghyuck though. He worries about changes to his regimen. 

“But he  _ knows _  how hard it is for us to adjust!” Mark whines back, pouting a little. 

“Mark Lee, if I didn’t know better I would think you were worried about me.” 

Donghyuck is teasing, Mark knows he is, but that doesn’t keep Mark from hitting his shoulder. 

“You know I worry about you dummy.” It’s true. Mark met Donghyuck a few years ago in the office, when the boy decided that simply playing Animal Crossing wasn’t fun enough and began pestering Mark. He was Mark’s best friend. Anyone could see it. 

“Lee Minhyung.” 

The nurse with the pretty braid calls for him so he can get his blood pressure checked. Mark ignores the flare of anger that comes with hearing his legal name, it reminds him that sometimes he isn’t who he used to be. Donghyuck squeezes his arm a little, knows how Mark feels about the moniker. 

“Smell ya on the other side, Lee!” Donghyuck is waving him off.

“You know it takes a total of five minutes.”

“ _ Bye _  Mark.”

Mark follows Sheila into the back, lets her attach the cuff, and stays still. 

“Still taking the Sertaline?” Sheila isn’t even looking at him. She knows Mark won’t stop taking it. 

“Yeah. The Albuterol and Melatonin too.” 

At that Sheila gives him a look. Mark isn’t supposed to take melatonin with his pill, and he knows it. The antidepressant makes him sleepy enough, or at least is supposed to. It doesn’t, so Mark takes 45 milligrams a night. He’s not allowed to take more than 30 for his height and weight. 

“You know Dr. Jung doesn’t like you mixing pills Minhyung.” She gives him  _ the look _  that says this is going into his chart, and Mark shrugs.

“Jae can deal.”

Sheila scoffs a little, before nodding to the scale. Mark waits for it to zero out, then hops on. He reads the numbers to Sheila, then walks to the wall. 

“You lost a little weight.” 

“Yeah. It’s fine.” 

She shakes her head and brings brings down the marker. 

“Okay Minhyung, you’re free to go. Dr. Jung will be with you in a bit.”

As Mark emerges, he notices that Donghyuck is gone. ‘ _ He must be getting checked in.’ _  Mark thinks. He settles in to one of the bean bag chairs that they keep around the office. 

His suspicions prove correct as Donghyuck comes bounding out. He slows as he gets closer to Mark, and there’s a furrow in his brow. He plops down, and Mark scoots over to make room for him. 

“What’s up? Didn’t grow as much as you thought shortie?” Mark teases.

Donghyuck lightly hits him but doesn’t look up. That doesn’t sit right with Mark. 

“Hyuck what’s wrong?” He’s poking Donghyuck’s cheek now, trying to get his attention. 

“I lost weight. Which is normal I guess, but they said I shouldn’t have lost that much over the course of a week.” 

“Oh.”

Donghyuck was tiny to begin with, like a pint-sized bundle of energy. Mark is kicking himself for not noticing earlier, but it’s normal. 

“That’s normal for stimulants Hyuck. Besides, you know Mick just likes making you feel bad.”

Donghyuck’s voice is quiet when he whispers “What if Doyoung decides to take me off them for good?” 

Mark’s reaction is immediate. “He wouldn’t do that and you know it. Mick is just being a little bitch. How much did you lose anyway Hyuck?” 

“Two pounds. But I think it was a few ounces less.”

Mark can’t help but laugh at that. “Hyuck, I lose three pounds per week on average and Jaehyun hasn’t done shit. You’ll be okay, Mick is just trying to scare you.” 

He looks over, and Donghyuck’s face is a little red, and he’s sniffling. Mark flicks his forehead, and Hyuck makes an indignant sound. Mark tugs him into a hug, making sure that he flicks him one more time for good measure. That’s when Donghyuck’s sniffles become a little more than sniffles and turn into fast breaths. 

“I just worry so much because my meds are already expensive, Mark. If he puts me on something with less side effects I’m not sure if our insurance will cover it. My mom already works  _ so much _  I can’t be-“ Mark cuts him off by standing and pulling Donghyuck up after him. 

He leads the boy past the reception desk, toward the bathrooms. He calls out over his shoulder as they go past. 

“Johnny if Jae or Doyoung come out we are in the bathroom, got it?” Mark waits until he sees the receptionist send him a thumbs up before he continues dragging the boy with him. 

They get into the bathroom and Mark turns around and locks the door behind them. Donghyuck has snot everywhere and he looks absolutely ridiculous. 

“Okay nerd here’s what’s gonna happen,” Mark begins, letting go of Donghyuck’s shaking hand. “You and I are going to stay in here until you calm down. I’m going to hug your sorry ass because you are my best friend and I love you. Afterwards, we are going back out there and I’m going to beat Mick up. Got it?”

Donghyuck sniffles more, and his hands are stark white from holding onto the edge of the sink. Mark sidles up to him. “Got it Hyuck?” Donghyuck nods, and Mark opens up his arms. 

Donghyuck turns around, and his head is still down. Mark pulls him into a loose hug, and Donghyuck clutches his t-shirt. The younger boy is shaking, and that makes Mark really mad. He hates that his best friend feels like a burden because of his pills. He squeezes Donghyuck a little, and holds the back of his head. Donghyuck finally breathes deeply, a ragged ugly breath, and he stops sniffling. Now he is  _ sobbing _ , his shoulders shaking and there’s snot not only on Donghyuck’s face but also on Mark’s entire body. 

Impossibly, Hyuck pulls him closer. He’s holding onto him like a lifeline, and buries his face in Mark’s neck. “I’m sorry. I don’t like crying and you know it but I really don’t think we can manage to afford-.”

“Donghyuck.” Mark tries to cut him off but the boy keeps babbling. “Donghyuck.  _ Donghyuck  _ would you please look at me.” Mark takes the brunette’s face in his hands and locks eyes with him.

“You are going to be okay. Doyoung won’t change your meds. I promise.” He’s rocking them back and forth now, using his thumbs to wipe Donghyuck’s tear-stained face. Under the flickering lights he feels a twinge of guilt, he knows that Donghyuck used to hold a flame for him, but that the boy is over it now. It’s not like he didn’t love Donghyuck, he did, and that was the problem. Mark explained to him multiple times that he wouldn’t be able to live with himself if he ended up  dragging the brighter boy into his own spiral of misery.

He cared a little too much for the boy with golden skin and a chipped front tooth from the time they ran around the lobby and crashed into the door. He cared a little too much for the boy who played Nintendogs and Animal Crossing like they were the only thing that mattered. He cared way too much for Donghyuck to ruin it. So, they stayed best friends. He thinks Hyuck took it well. 

Mark squeezes Donghyuck a little tighter, buries his nose in the crown of his head and he can smell the green tea shampoo he uses. He inhales, just a little. Just enough to let Donghyuck know. He’s still rocking them, and Donghyuck’s shoulders have stopped shaking, and the snot has stopped running. Mark has done his job. 

Wetting a paper towel, he begins wiping the younger’s face. Starting up at the snot somehow smeared across his forehead, he gently cleans off any remnants of Donghyuck’s cataclysmic breakdown. He sweeps it across his eyes, Donghyuck’s lashes fluttering a bit. He wipes the grime and salt off of his cheeks, and grabs a second paper towel to pat them dry. 

“Close your eyes.” he instructs. And Donghyuck, sweet, trusting Donghyuck, does as he says. Mark could close the distance between them easily. He wants to. He aches to, has ever since Hyuck started bringing him the grape jolly ranchers from school. But he doesn’t. Instead he rests his lips on the boy’s brow, and holds his hand. 

“Hey Mark?” Donghyuck opens his eyes and looks up and Mark Lee is  _ burning _ he wants to hold him so much. 

Mark hums, arms going back around Hyuck’s shoulders. He is too worried to look at Donghyuck, too scared to glimpse what may be looking back at him.

“That was kinda gay.” Hyuck’s eyes are shimmering and his breathing has totally returned to normal. 

“If you hadn’t noticed, we are two raging homosexuals, Donghyuck.” Mark shoots back. Donghyuck takes a step back, Mark’s arms drop from his shoulders, and his fingers are now simply circling his wrist. Mark is kneading the bony part of Donghyuck’s arm, hoping to soothe him. 

“How dare you accuse me of that! I am a good Catholic boy!” Donghyuck feigns offense at Mark’s earlier statement, slapping his shoulder and jerking his arm out of Mark’s grasp. 

“Sure princess. Like you didn’t drool over the receptionist for a full five months. And then over literally every other mildly attractive and moderately tall male in a five mile radius.” Mark is teasing him again, knows that Donghyuck can take it. 

Before Donghyuck can deny anything (and he can’t, Mark was telling the truth) they hear a rapping on the door.

“Lee Donghyuck you have exactly two minutes to get back out here before I tell your parents about the time you lit firecrackers in the house and called me because you set the curtain on fire.” It’s Doyoung, of course. He sounds mildly worried but mostly a little bit exasperated. 

“You wouldn’t dare! I wasn’t a danger to myself  _ or _ others so you can’t mention it to them!” Donghyuck begins striding toward the door, his usual smirk back on. 

“You are a danger to my sanity.” Doyoung mumbles under his breath. 

They emerge from the bathroom, and Doyoung shoots him a look. Mark just shakes his head and heads towards the door where he knows Jaehyun is waiting. Before he gets there, Donghyuck gives him another hug, squeezes his hand. 

“Thank you Mark. I really appreciate it.”

“Hyuck it’s no big deal. I told you before and I will tell you again: you are my best friend and I love you.” Mark tries to impress that sentiment onto him, tattoo it into Donghyuck’s mind.  He loves him, god he loves him, and would do just about anything for the boy. 

“I know you do. I’m still going to thank you, you idiot.” Donghyuck turns back to follow Doyoung. 

Mark Lee is sad. He is clinically depressed if Jung Jaehyun is believed. He is in love with his stupid best friend. And he is perfectly content. He wouldn’t change a thing in his life. 

**Author's Note:**

> my twitter is @jinsaturns if you want to yell at me. again i am sorry this sucked. guess i have to work with what i got. also. please mayb e give me feedback if you read it, i really need to work on style. also this is rlly short. Sorry.


End file.
